We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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