And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
