So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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