Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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