sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
