i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
