I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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