I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
