Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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