i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
