If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
