I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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