i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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