Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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