Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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