How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
