for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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