Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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