I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Operation Purity has been aborted
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
