and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
