garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
