needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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