he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
