I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
