Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
