Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize