well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i dont even know how to be here
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
