I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
