420 ftw
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize