Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
