I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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