I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
