Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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