they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
