I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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