garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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