She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
