Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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