he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
