She is in my trunk
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
