i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
honey bunches of taint.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
