"it" just moved
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
