Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
