i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
