I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
