There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
