it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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