Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
