Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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