so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
