Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
