i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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