its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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