A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
