low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
