I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize