hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
