I wish I could punch you in the face.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize