thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
