Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You took a bar mat shot.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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