Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
