she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize