Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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