If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
