I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
