just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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