When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
