You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
