I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
