This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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