This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
