Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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