Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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